😴 I am NOT a bad sleeper mommy! A baby’s testimony
💤 I have no idea why you’re always saying that about me! I am NOT! I sleep plenty, haven’t you noticed?
📊 But I spend like 50% of my sleep in REM, a lighter sleep mode. Do you know why mommy? So I can get all the nightime care I need to be smart and strong when I grow up!
☝️I can’t grow up to be a superman without you and dad, or granny. I need you to be beside me day and night in the beginning.
👉 I need your help to fall asleep and fall back to sleep.
👉 I especially need your warm milk! 🤱 There is nothing more satisfying for me than nursing: it feeds me, it calms me, it relaxes me, it provides me with all sensory input I need for my healthy development. It kills my pain, too!
🏖️ Could you also keep rocking me while you’re at it? Is there anything better than sipping a cocktail lounging in a hammock on the beach? I knew you would agree with me on that!

🐕 I’m a light sleeper, like a high-classed hound dog, and I need to check regularly if you’re there. This is my first reason for “bad” sleep.
🥱 My other reason is that I really like nursing and I need to wake to nurse.
👶 I don’t mean to depreciate your service but if I weren’t on the lookout you might not come for hours. Waiting at my age is hell. 🔥
💩 Pee and poo are easy if I can nurse every hour or so. And Dad loves to brag about my poopy diapers, you’ll see!
🙏 I only wanna be with you! That reminds me, don’t worry if you can’t breastfeed, I only want you! Hold me tight and everything will be alright.
🍼 You can bottlefeed me on demand and I will be just as happy as that breastfed baby next door. Paced bottlefeeding can satisfy my needs for sleep and comfort.

🧘I don’t want your mantra on how you blame yourself for the way things turned out. I need your love❤️, your milk 🍶 and please hold me tight. I don’t need much. I don’t need plans. So don’t worry just go with the flow!
🧒 I’ll grow up sooo fast and soon be a teenager and write on my bedroom door: DO NOT ENTER! You can then post about it on instagram to receive empathy from your friends.😴 But if you train me to self-soothe now, I will only learn that I have no one to turn to for help.
🌃 I need to be right beside you because I feel lonely and cold alone at night.
📊 You keep my heart rate steady and my breathing smooth. You won’t need that machine to watch me from next door.
👁️ I don’t understand how you think you can sleep with dad but I need to sleep alone. Look at me! I’m sooo small! I need someone at night. If you think the teddy bear 🐻 and the monitor will do you should sleep with those! 💤 The next room is miles away for me. I can still remember the lion 🐅 breathing down my neck from the stone age. I really don’t mean to get on your nerves but my life depends on you! No joke!

Don’t you get it? 😴 I sleep like a baby! Just snuggle up to me and enjoy!
🧹If you keep doing the housework and complain you’re tired it is not my fault! 🍱 Get food delivered, leave the dishes to dad and stop looking at your phone and sleep with me.
🤶 When granny comes to play with me off you go for a run to recharge! Never mind the laundry. ⌚ Your work is 24/7 with me this is a full time job already!

📝 PS. If I sleep through the night once or twice it doesn’t mean I always will! 👀 I’m not a machine!
💤And never believe that mother next door who says her baby sleeps through from the start! 📹 Infra red camera research shows that these “good sleepers” are awake just as much “bad ones” like me.